Why use the pronoun they?
Why they/them? It is normal in the English language to use they/them pronouns when we don't know the gender of the person to which we're referring, or if we want our sentence to be applicable to all genders. This isn't new – the saying “Everybody loves their own mother” has been used since around late 1300.
When individuals whose gender is neither male nor female (e.g. nonbinary, agender, genderfluid, etc.) use the singular they to refer to themselves, they are using the language to express their identities. Adopting this language is one way writers can be inclusive of a range of people and identities.
Although the pronoun "they" tends to be thought of as gender neutral (and many people find pronouns to be an important affirmation of identity), a person who goes by "they" could actually be a man, a woman, both, neither, or something else entirely.
Intentional refusal to use someone's correct pronouns is equivalent to harassment and a violation of one's civil rights. The Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 expressly prohibits workplace discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, and national origin.
Gendered pronouns specifically reference someone's gender: he/him/his or she/her/hers. Non-gendered or nonbinary pronouns are not gender specific and are most often used by people who identify outside of a gender binary.
Why toddlers use the third person to refer to themselves: Your tot might call himself by his first name for the same reason he mixes up “him” and “her” and other toddler words — he's still learning to use pronouns and hasn't heard enough examples to ace the usage.
What does it mean when a person is nonbinary? Being nonbinary is identifying gender as not 100% male or 100% female. Someone who has a nonbinary gender could describe themselves as having no gender, multiple genders, a masculine or feminine gender, or any other gender that is not fully male or fully female.
The singular they isn't actually new. According to The Oxford English Dictionary, the singular they showed up in writing in 1375—over 600 years ago! The OED also suggests the usage is even older since written language usually reflects trends already present in spoken language.
They/them/theirs (“Shea ate their food because they were hungry.”) This is a pretty common gender-neutral pronoun and it can be used in the singular. Singular “they” is not a new concept to English speakers – singular they is often used if we do not know the person we are talking about (“Who called you?
Non-Binary Defined
Some people don't identify with any gender. Some people's gender changes over time. People whose gender is not male or female use many different terms to describe themselves, with non-binary being one of the most common. Other terms include genderqueer, agender, bigender, and more.
Can you be forced to use gender pronouns?
Forcing students or teachers to use pronouns that do not correspond with an individual's biological sex is a clear violation of not only Virginia state law but also the First Amendment. The government cannot compel speech and require any citizen to affirm a belief they do not hold.
A truly effective educator always considers their students' feelings and emotions, and ensures that their students feel like they belong in their classroom. Teachers can do this by respecting each students' preferred pronouns.
Some employers require employees to specify their preferred pronouns, while others make it optional or are against it. There's no one-size-fits-all approach, and there's little legal risk with any of the three, but there are some factors employers should consider when deciding how to handle the matter.
Pronouns commonly have a gendered association, however, anyone of any gender can use any pronouns that fit for them. Everyone has pronouns, not just transgender, nonbinary, or intersex people. Keep in mind that some people may use more than one set of pronouns to refer to themselves (e.g., 'she/her' and 'they/them').
Within the United States, and much of the world, it is the cultural norm to classify people as male or female – this is called the gender binary. Many individuals have a gender identity that does not fit within this binary, and use the umbrella term non-binary.
Using the correct pronouns is a way of affirming identity in every interaction. Because of the number of times we use pronouns in a conversation, we can show respect — or disrespect — that many times. Whether you think it's a big deal or not, gender pronouns are important.
A young child's exploration of different gender identities is quite common. However, for some children this may continue into later childhood and adolescence. Some people see gender as existing on a spectrum. This includes male, female and a diversity of gender identities such as non-binary and agender (no gender).
Learn as much as you can. “If your child has come out to you as non-binary, one of the best things you can do is educate yourself,” says Geisinger pediatrician Dr. Megan Moran-Sands. “Consider joining an LGBTQ support group on social media, listening to podcasts or reading books on the topic.”
Studies show that kids naturally refer to themselves in the third person during the early days of language acquisition because pronouns are less predictable than so-called stable nouns. The meaning of “you” changes. The meaning of “Mommy” does not.
Likewise a demiboy is a person who feels their gender identity partially identifies with a masculine identity but is not wholly binary. Like a demigirl, a demiboy may identify this way regardless of their assigned gender. A demigirl and demiboy fall under the trans umbrella.
What's the difference between non-binary and fluid gender?
Non-binary people may identify as an intermediate or separate third gender, identify with more than one gender, no gender (agender), or have a fluctuating gender identity (genderfluid). Gender identity is separate from sexual or romantic orientation: non-binary people have various sexual orientations.
Non-binary individuals may also identify as gender-fluid, which is a person who does not necessarily identify themselves as having a fixed gender.
This use is found in the King James Bible—“In lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves” (Philippians 2:3)—and in the writing of Shakespeare (“God send everyone their heart's desire”). Those who wrote and spoke English in the 18th century often used they or them as singular pronouns.
But she says it was from the 18th century onwards that people started using male pronouns when describing someone of a non-specific gender in writing and this marks the time when opinions on what pronouns should be used started to change.
They is not only a plural pronoun
They is also a singular pronoun, and it has been for centuries. Lexicographers have determined that as far back as the 1300s, they and its related forms have been used to refer to an indefinite referent—that is, an unspecified, unknown person.
If a person uses “she” or “he,” do not use “they” instead. Likewise, if a person uses “they,” do not switch to “he” or “she.” Use the pronouns the person uses. Kai is a nonbinary person.
Non-binary is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity doesn't sit comfortably with 'man' or 'woman'. Non-binary identities are varied and can include people who identify with some aspects of binary identities, while others reject them entirely.
| Name | Birth year | Gender identity |
|---|---|---|
| Miley Cyrus | 1992 | Genderfluid |
| Brihony Dawson | 1983/1984 | Non-binary |
| Adore Delano | 1989 | Non-binary |
| Cara Delevingne | 1992 | Genderfluid |
For example, when a male is born, gender binarism may assume that the male will be masculine in appearance, have masculine character traits and behaviors, as well as having a heterosexual attraction to females.
The earliest use of terms referring directly to non-binary seems to be around 2000, for example Haynes and McKenna's (2001) collection Unseen Genders: Beyond the Binaries.
What gender is the pronoun they?
They/them/theirs (“Shea ate their food because they were hungry.”) This is a pretty common gender-neutral pronoun and it can be used in the singular. Singular “they” is not a new concept to English speakers – singular they is often used if we do not know the person we are talking about (“Who called you?
Many non-binary people use “they” while others use “he” or “she,” and still others use other pronouns. Asking whether someone should be referred to as “he,” “she,” “they,” or another pronoun may feel awkward at first, but is one of the simplest and most important ways to show respect for someone's identity.
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Here are some greetings that don't use gender:
- Good afternoon! How are you today?
- What can I get for you folks?
- Hi there! ...
- Did you find everything you were looking for?
Mum/Dad. Parent; neutral, formal. Per; neutral, short for parent. Par; neutral, short for parent.
“Ms., Mr. or Mx.? Nonbinary Teachers Embrace Gender-Neutral Honorific” explains the title “Mx.” and its evolution in education.